__2005-01-09 @ 1:39 a.m._______
I have a job interview on monday. I don't know how it'll go but I'm gonna give it my best shot and see if I can pull out some charm. I've been having a lot of difficulty concentrating on anything lately. I'm wrought with conflict and confusion and then there's this feeling of wanting to just put everything behind me, move forward...which is what I'm doing but... How is it that of all of my friends, after all these years, I'm the one people seem to think isn't secure enough, in touch with oneself enough to handle such turmoil? I fucking prided myself for years on how self-aware, confident, and independent I was. And now here I am, with this fucking knife stuck in my back that no one, including myself, can get out. I mean, I think it's starting to pull out, but we all know that as it slowly comes out it'll still hurt like hell. As one would expect, I have good days and then I have really shitty days. Tonight, I watched the movie Big Fish and thought my eyes were gonna pop out of my eye sockets. I hope when I die, it's like Edward Blume. Sorry, this post is just awful. I'm feeling awful...and alone and I should just go to bed. Tomorrow, everything will be better.
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