__2004-07-03 @ 9:42 p.m._______
I'm in Ottawa for this entry and I feel like just writing a bunch, so bear with me. I can already tell that this whole entry will be flighty, muddled. With each visit to the downtown area, I see more and more people I use to know. And with that comes more flashes to my childhood and teenage years. And with that comes a better understanding of who I was, who everyone I was surrounded by was, where we were, almost like a new awareness or reaffirmation maybe, that life is indeed a fucking strange, strange thing. These flashbacks, these brief, uncalculated, disjointed, gripping moments are the brilliance of song, art, words, theatre, photography. The distance between these two entites is zero. As I move further and further away from the innocence of my childhood and teens, I see my memories start to evolve from something I couldn't understand (or care to understand) to something I hold dear and appreciate more and more as time goes by. This last month has been extremely wondrous. Spending time here has been the perfect going away present. This is what I want right now. A brief reconnection with the person I use to be, the kid I use to be, and how it all came together and how it came to be me. Not everyone gets this chance- to be so fully engaged and submerged into the depths of your childhood hometown, side of town, street, house, room, bed. I was lucky and am lucky- to have such a thing.
Random- Just think, for every saturday in spring, summer, and fall that it rains, it rains on someone's wedding day. So should I be sad for every one of these days? Should I have some kind of empathy for the newly weds? Or is it just an early sign of things to come? An indication of fate, maybe?
In Michael Moore's new film, Fahrenheit 9/11, a segment shows Bush in an elementary school classroom on the morning of 9/11/01. While in the classroom, Bush is informed of the first plane crashing into the WTC and then they inform him of the second one, and tell him that the United States is under attack. For seven minutes afterwards, Bush sits in the classroom, alone. No security, no advisers, no one except Bush, the teacher, and the kids. Forget the Michael Moore commentary going on in the movie for a second. What the hell was he thinking about? What the fuck was going through his mind? Why didn't he excuse himself right then and there to fucking figure this shit out right the fuck now? Why did he insist on shitting his pants in front of those kids? In front of the kids? Must have smelled like hell in that room. Seriously though, it has to be the most candid moment caught on film in the history of the presidency. Wipe sweat, bite lip, take a deep breath, wipe sweat, bite lip, take a deep breath. Just an unbelievably interesting moment.
Last thing here, I was at the local bar a couple of weeks ago, here in Ottawa, and I played some music on the jukebox. Keep in mind that this bar is in Ottawa- if a song wasn't a smash hit or by a hippie jam band, they have no idea what hell is going on, and are likely to mention their collective hatred for the unfamiliar bullshit playing. So I put my money in, thinking about how I'll probably just end up playing Def Leppard or Tears for Fears or Counting Crows or something. As I scroll through the music, I find that they have the Smiths AND New Order available on this jukebox! I was fucking shocked! So just out of shear joy and disbelief, I played two Smiths songs and a New Order tune- songs that I would play pretty regularly in Iowa City. This set up a ridiculous and absolutely confusing atmosphere. I was waiting to hear some random comments as I walked around the bar...you know, "fag music," "fucking british crap," for the somewhat informed and musically versed, and "this shit is so gay and stupid," and "this song sucks my ass, dude," from the absolute dipshits. But I didn't get anything except the satisfaction of JP's reaction to my selections. "Did you play this?" "Here?" Yes, here. To be honest, I just drunkenly sang along, loudly, trying to forget where I was, trying to forget that it was really odd to be slamming these two worlds together. Unfortunately, I couldn't really enjoy it. I was too drunk and people kept running into me saying things like "oh, my god, I haven't seen you in, like, forever!" Life sure is strange.
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